I hate this feeling.......confudismo

I hate this feeling….Confudismo

I named it confudismo

To signify the feeling I have

It is exactly what it sounds like

A feeling of confusion

I hate this feeling… the feeling of the unknown.

The feeling that I may not know you as well as I think

Are you thinking of me as I am of you

Silly questions as those steady lingering in my mind

I just wanna cry

Should I continue ?

Or should I move on

The past days, weeks, months doing it without you..

How did I become so vulnerable?

Im just so confused

So confused in not knowing what I should do….

It sucks…when did I fall in Love?

When did it happen

I convinced myself this time that I wouldn’t give in

Since when did I tell you it was okay

All I can do is occupy my mind with other thoughts in order to function

Trying my best to not think of you

Hugging my pillow tight, late at nights with thoughts of you

Was that what you meant when you said that I should worry about what I used to do before I met you?

How Dare you say those hurtful words?

How could you?

Well thank you for this opportunity, for allowing me to spend time alone to think

It’s not so easy to see how someone can go from caring to nothing

A breath of fresh air has come my way, this breath of air has come my way and made me feel ever so exhilarated.

This fresh air has empowered me enough to see my missed calls without the feeling of panic

I will refuse to allow you to control my feelings…

The “You” that I thought I knew disappointed me.

Slowly , but yet surely, until the point of no return.

But it’s alright , I’m over it

Meanwhile you’ve done whatever on your own,

and me on my own to create the definition of this confudismo that has resulted with this answer which is clairvoyant

Why is the thought of Losing weight or getting in shape always ...NEGATIVE and quiet often associated with the word diet? ----

Why is the thought of Losing weight or getting in shape always ...NEGATIVE and quiet often associated with the word diet? ----

So Quite often when I am in conversation with my trainees, I hear this so often. I hear the comments like oh it’s just not fun WORKING out. I also hear “I’m trying a new Diet to jump start quick weight-loss, then I promise I’ll be ready for your hard workouts”. Comments like these make me cringe.

• Why is the thought of Losing weight or getting in shape always equated with "Diet" or that "Diet= a negative thing? The true definition of a diet is the daily intake of what a person eats and drinks. So, instead of using the Word Diet as an adjective or verb why not as a Noun?

As an adjective it means, it means some kind of strict regimen that excludes unhealthy foods. It simply bears both meanings. It also describes a certain type of food or meal used to manage weight.

Here it is straight out of a dictionary:

diet /di·et/ (di´it) the customary amount and kind of food and drink taken by a person from day to day; more narrowly, a diet planned to meet specific requirements of the individual, including or excluding certain foods.di´etary

Well I do see the connection with diet and Exercise. There is a direct correlation. But the Word diet as an adjective revolves around a stagnant condition with no room for improvement.

In other words, I guess I pretty much can say here’s where I disagree with several. Honestly I think diet should be a lifestyle! I also think that your dietician and physician would agree with me. There is no temporary action or “quick fix”. Good weight-loss/weight management programs integrate daily exercise and healthy eating choices that should be practiced without letting up.

Ok. So let me begin by saying that typical diets often promote short term results. Many diets do not recommend calorie burning physical activity, as many people don’t want to participate in exercise. This also is another way to entertain the idea that exercise is a waste of time. Other diets completely ignore healthy eating, also again misleading people. Popular diets, especially fad diets, simply restrict calories and avoid nutrition, which often temporarily results in weight loss. However, lifestyle changes are more appropriate for success, and for optimal weight loss, health and body reshaping.

I don’t fault every single method, because for the most part, the disclaimers are usually disclosed such as it may only result in temporary results and to continue the same effects the dieter may need to remain on it. Fine, what about considerations for longevity, or even energy? Energy hasn’t even been discussed as a discouraging factor for long-term weight-loss. I guess I could save that discussion entirely for another day.

Anyhow, POINT-BLANK….long term prospects are not encouraged. The long-term effects are not met in discovery of the action of “dieting”, sadly disappointing the Dieter. The Dieter all over again finds out the hard way, that it’s a vicious cycle that is hard and unrealistic. It’s definitely a steep-time consuming price to pay for minimal, temporary results.

Is it worth it?

Probably NOT,

--since the dieter will have to start over again, only to find themselves where they began.

Wow, so back to my original Question…The Reason why the term diet has been construed to be something negative is once again the fast paced world that we live in that tells us that if we take our time to do something , we are missing out and wasting time. It’s the same society that allows us the opportunity to hae everything at our fingertips. So the amount of energy that we put on surfing the web, finishing a text message, or even following someone’s tweets could be amounted to at least 15,30 and even an easy 45 minutes in your day that you didn’t even know existed. So where did that time go? Nowhere, the time was just re-used for something non-essential that probably didn’t even add time to your life. But the truth in taking the time to care for your body over time is that that your life can be prolonged and guaranteed a better quality of life. The same place that mocks us if we are behind on times, also wants us to maintain a level of appearance that yields health. The only way shown to us in media is with the quick fixes focused on diets or even worse surgeries that could be prevented. A proper reminder should include the time span in which certain diseases are developed gradually such as heart disease like ( atherosclerosis) or even obesity. These diseases did not occur overnight. It Would be a LIE to say they did. Their development occurred over time and at that, not a speedy rate. So in a sense, why not a reminder that those same concerted efforts to reach undesirable levels can be concluded in the same way with healthier habits and increased physical activity level. So this should be turned into a POSITIVE statement, b/c it’s exactly the same consideration. It goes both way and not discriminatory on the process.

In SHORT, Diet should name the action, not be the action!

Go Make it Happen!

Yesterday I decided to make sure that I use some of my personal wealth of knowledge to good use. So I decided to brainstorm on different topics and subjects that interest me and affect me in some shape or form. The first topic of choice is Health and Fitness.

Although , I don’t have a set blog just for fitness, I guess any start is better than no start. I must begin with a disclaimer. I’m in no means a substitute for anyone to use my knowledge better that their own judgment or to disregard a physician’s recommendation. I am compelled to write and share because I have spent many years researching and being in the field. Many of my friends have even come to me for questions, so it is with great honor and leisure that I have decided to go ahead and put my words on paper. If you are open-mind, truthful about who you are and don’t mind an eye-opener or two, you’re welcome. If you oppose truth as it comes mainly from my personal experiences and my unique background, then you may not like anything that I have to say. Anyhow if I think of anything else, I will let you know. Make sure that when reading any of this material that you don’t take anything personal. Once again, thanks.

Enjoy…..

Top Ten Sure-Fire Ways to Start a Workout Plan, Stay on Task and Reach Goals

1# Set Specific Realistic Goals

---Write down attainable goals, Write down your desires,

2# Write down your motivation factor

---Write down why you are doing this and what is the purpose and what will be gained with this new action

--ex. A Vacation, a Reunion, Feel more energy , live longer ,Challenge, A Wedding

3# Ask for Help when needed

--If you’re unsure what body type you’re affecting with the desired activity don’t be afraid to ask

--Don’t be shy if you are using new equipment and need assistance with proper form and technique.

--Keep in mind that QUALITY is always more important than QUANTITY when it comes to your health.

--You can injure yourself further if you do a Large amount of Quantity with incorrect technique , than if you had done a fewer Quality amount with proper technique

4# Use Varieties of excercises

--Try Jogging, Swimming, brisk walking for cardio

-- Mix it up or do Combo

--also activities such as skateboarding and rock-climbing count.

5# Keep it Simple and Fun

--Don’t complicate the workout, you are just beginning your journey and need to just get the fundamentals down

6# Set time aside

--setting specific times that you can do this will ensure that you are actually dedicated and also means that you are less than likely to stray from this schedule.

7# Reward yourself when a goal is met

-Rewards should not include decadent treats such as a drive to a fast-food restaurant or a fully-loaded hot-fudge sundae

8# Keep a LOG

--Those that keep a logs are always the most successful

--A Log can be as simple as a “blog” or even just a list of all the activities and exercises that you completed. This should also include time of day, how many repetitions, time of activity ( how long was the activity)

--If you are unable to see what worked and what didn’t, how are you supposed to move forward?

--If you don’t know what didn’t make you successful, how are you supposed to deviate to a successful plan?

--How do you measure results if you are unable to track your progress?

9# Get Fit for free
You don't need to hire a personal trainer to get in shape. There's a ton of free and affordable training Perhaps go to a bookstore and get magazines or books, These books have demonstrations. Go online, your bound to stumble on useful tips and idea.

If all else fails….. just go outside! ….there are parks everywhere, if you live in a subdivision with a decent amount of areas to walk…Walk Outside.

10# Make it a habit

--Your Health should be a Priority, Without it , I can guarantee your quality of life won’t be

-- A healthy person is also a happier and more satisfied individual

-- The same way you’ve made brushing your teeth and taking a shower a habit, should be the same amount of dedication and regularity that you give to your health.

In Summation : Out of order…Own your Motivation, Set Realistic Goals, Make it a habit, and begin with the free things in Life. If things get boring , spice your workouts by changing the type of exercises, duration of activity and using different frequencies.GO Make it Happen!

New Beginnings that never Start

Here's to New beginnings,

Today is the first day of Spring Forward, and for one all I can say is that I found pleasure in mixed blessings. I began my day at 7:58 am of course , much too late to begin my day with a workout. As you know the whole workout thing was definitely doable but not in my best interest especially if I intended to make it to work on time. Go Figure….


Actually to be quite honest , the first paragraph was written on Monday. Well today is Thursday and in fact it's almost Friday. At that moment (on monday) , I was rushed for time and couldn't complete. So here I am again, attempting to complete an entry with no Pressure this time. Time is not my enemy. It's barely 10:50PM .Sleep might be the only thing swaying me in another direction.


There's so much randomness in my head that I don't even know where to begin. At least I am managing to actually put my thoughts into written words.I am reminding myself why I even began blogging. This has always been a good outlet for me. Towards my goals and thoughts I poured my current ideas and thoughts. So I am back! While I may have been gone, I didn't really forget about you. Blog-wise, I seriously contemplated separating my themes and ideas. I even went as far as creating a new blog ; totally separate from this one. I just could never give myself a focal point. So as you see, I'm back.

So the ZZzzssss are steady chasing. I better call it a night. Sweet Dreams all...until next time.

So I'm at the Breeze

So I'm @ the Breeze,

Bahama that is ,allowing my mind to race freely against my repressed thoughts!!! Really I was expecting to have this moment to write , it was just one of those days where for some short moments , I either left my favorite music headset @ home or left in my gymbag . And oh , the opportunity to Ponder Profoundly came... So here I am expressing my latest emotions..--simple past moments of wanting 2 scream ...... And others of shouting praises of satisfaction---this week has been filled with so many different emotions , but today is much less subtle than many of the others....---I mean How exactly is one REALLY supposed 2 respond to a " letter Of concern" from their employer during 'such' trying "economic" times stating that for once during their entire history shy 2 weeks of three years that all the negative factors of producing substandard work has finally come to fruition???? I mean , should one simply SMILE and call it a day ....or should ONE SCREAM to the top of their LUNGS simply expressing their dissatisfaction and disapproval of such works.... It's just how the "cookie" crumbles in CORPORATE AMERICA, I say....

----as aside ,why does it seem that my meal is taking its time to get here?....Alas and behold....45mins later my food arrives, leaving me only 5 mins to eat and 10 mins to drive back to work.."Priceles" the moments take while off site.....

FAST-FORWARD....and here goes the end of day ..


indeed I am complaining when really I should be content that I have EVEN "something" to be disapproving .....Ah well as usual ... My mood transformed to SOUR and eventually mellowed out as the day went on....so forth.....and still in my mind , I searched deep within for the motivation to complete my day and remembered that when it was time to go home, for ONCE I got lucky enough to close out my register @ 8:05 , which for most of you , who work RETAIL, moments like those are very rare and only happen once in a blue. The Norm time would set you from 20 mins to an hour past closing leaving even the most eager employee to disdain or frustration. ...NEVERTHELESS, I stood anxiously b/c I knew for the short moment I could erase my anxiety with "white"-turtle icecream or Tiramisu and sadly it had been at least a good 2months since my Last huge BINGE/Craving, without a doubt I gave into my craving and did !!!! I RELEASED my Retail Frustrations to my waistline and did the unthinkable leaving aside no thoughts of regret or rationalization...And to TOP the Icing on the CAKE, my even better Joys were achieved .

Some call me CRAZY or eccentric or just plain RANDOM, I pushed myself to run 6miles when My day ended, as to make up for my INSANE guilt craving. So @ like 845p , my check-in was @ my usual workout spot for a good interval jog and 20min capdown of the nicely heated sauna.... ....

FAST-FORWARD....again to the end ...me in my bed, with bliss on my way to ZZzzzzLand. good nite all...

relief of my day

So I'm sitting here in front of my desk top.... Bored to Death

My long lost love, ( BLOGGING) ....we meet again..

Just when a plain jog in the park won't do.. I'm back to free-lance writing . Whatever comes to mind first. No rhyme or rhythm, Just thoughts on paper.

- I know I need to focus...but WOW....what a weekend and it only gets more adventures as the new season as began , just trying to juggle life in general..Balancing is becoming more and more challenging. The sad but true thing, is that I am ONLY talking about myself in general. I haven't come to the time in my life where it's ( a husband, kids, career, and me).....

With that being said it's JUST ME and still I'm not balanced. I vow to take care of myself greatly so that I welcome myself into the Sexxxy 30's...With less than 2yrs left to hit that number. I must go Steady FORWARD.


When I feel mis-aligned, it usually means I'm unbalanced also =(.


-with all these quick events occurring so close in proximity, it's not really all that hard to really see why someone's world could almost turn upside down.

Anyhow, Tomorrow is another day to refocus and re-align......I will begin my focus on ME again...... Many more things to come.....I am truly excited for my personal life, as also I am working on all of my individual one on one relationships. Communication is definitely Key, so as a result never again will I continue to harbor feelings beyond that moment. Going forth, if So and when I feel frustrated with someone about whatever, I'll be sure to release it back in the air so that I can rest my head at night and hopefully resolve it with that person. So as I retire into the night......

.Best Health wishes as always.
LawinoJ

Just Being me ....June 2009

So I'm Sitting here and thinking about all of the things that have happened thus far in 2009. Today June 26, 2009 ,Who Would've figured this on a Beautiful Friday Night? As a result, I feel obliged to share my sentiments with you.

Indeed in the past few months, I managed to meander among thorns and bushes . Moreover, I have encountered many experiences from the highest of mountains to the lowest of valleys . And most of all, the biggest things that have caused these mature changes are sadly true like: the death of a loved one, the pure loss of friendship connections, life's painful lessons, and so forth. But now I will stop denying my self the moments in which this time is owed. My mindset at this present moment is to fulfill the dreams that have been already set for me. At the same time the mood at present is concurrent with the thoughts and actions of "LETTING NOTHING STOP ME" attitude.

Life, as we know it is quiet short ,my friends. Life is too short to sweat even the smallest of things. Friends I say to you, if you have any unresolved things amongst yourself, don't wait until the next day.. I beg you , don't be proud like I once was, waiting so long to tell my long-lost friend whom I deeply loved with ALL of my VERY SOUL..if ever a day went by with me not saying those simple words: "I love You"..and What would I do without you"?..and that you mean "yada yada ..blah , blah.." as it fits the situation....this moment too , it shall no longer pass. It will not pass without my thoughts exerted. I once thought that I could turn off my abilities to sympathize. VERY NOT true. To be HUMAN is to have the ability to feel or have emotions of which may also coincide with the notion of SADNESS from pain afflicted by situations. Taken for what this means, one can Speculate the moments of emotional instability, where the same individual can be Ecstatic about something and then of course, also Gravely depressed about another.

NOW as I transition to this Mature state...to whom shall I owe these burdens? I tell you from the deepest being of my heart, GO CONQUER each moment as if it is your last and LIVE it with no EXCUSES... OWN the time/hour and passing as it belongs to you. Blame only yourself for your shortcomings, but do not let it anchor you to the PAST. MOVE only FORWARD.

This new phase that I am transitioning as I say it is a WORK in PROGRESS and in no WAY will it happen overnight. GO,LIVE, LOVE,LOVE, CRY , EMBRACE and CHERISH all of the moments that are due, for you deserve that passing moment..

always and forever truest.

~Lawino-J Otto~

Papa We Will Not Forget You

Ever lose a loved? and then feel so alone?.....RIP.... this was a poem of inspiration that I wrote for my father who departed from us May 16, 2009...

It's only been a month and it still feels like yesterday... Oh how he was so loved by many and would still want the rest of us to continue his dream. This is dedicated to My Father , John Baptist Otto P'Oyat....

so please take a moment to .... here it goes....

Papa We Will Not Forget You

Papa we will not forget you, no matter what

Papa you’ve always been there for me, even times I surely felt I could not come to you, it just took a bit of time to think of all the ways I could humble myself enough to speak to you
Times changed, I grew up a little, but no matter what things I was involved in, I could only think about you and if what I was doing would please you. So highly I took your opinion. I would mention your wisdom to my friends, thinking how strong you stayed at mom’s side and with all of us. Praising God for all the days we had moments to prepare for anything, whether it be church , a school project or presentations .

As painful as it is to see you not physically here, I can surely say what a great job you’ve done . You showed us Love in every way. Not only in us, but in everyone that you encountered a conversation with .

Through your smiles, neither one of us knew how deep the physical pain you bore in your flesh. No one could truly ever know the answers that linger in our minds.
Some answers need not be answered , for they were marked days before we knew how to even cry. Now,Who to cry on ?and who to teach me to ride a bike or drive a car? Um , It was you papa that inspired me to be strong and have determination.
So you see as you know, papa, it is far too difficult to forget you, for as we know it will never happen.



But before I say goodbye to your physical being, I wish this prayer to all of us us that live on for you.

My prayer for my parents love
If only I could make you proud
Each day I think of the things that you wished for even before my day had arrived
My emotions are getting the best of me
If only I could honor you beyond your days
I think of the dreams you had before I entered this world
Pondering what if I had never been born, what kind of life would you have had?
Did I interrupt your world?
How so did I bring joy to your world?
Upon my arrival began the voyage of stress, the thoughts of how you would feed, clothe, soothe and care for me
Upon those days you lived to make a life suitable for me
Yet in days I did not understand your wisdom and benevolence
But as you are laid to rest in the soil, shall you never worry that I am cared for
As connected the other branches are here, Mom, my brothers and sisters and our beloved family and friends
Never will there be a true end , because we will all meet once again, with a path fulfilled and a dream served only with his plan.

Papa , we will never forget you,
Father no matter what, we will never forget you.
For where you are in many ways we will all be here too



~Lawino Julia Otto~

Ode to Push-Overs

Ode to push-overs,

Ode to loud nose- in my business, wannabe better than every body else people,

I am sooooo FURIOUS!!!! Trying so hard to break me. Well you can't. Get a life and

Leave me the H%LL alone, Why is it so You think that you can walk all over me? Why do You think I'm a target? Im am so sick and tired of your childish ways, your behaviors of a CONTROL FREAK, your obvious ways do not intimidate me. Only worse , to point out that your raucous behavior only demeans what benevolent intentions you may have had, stripping you of all value and lower beyond the dirt on this earth. Is it my smile of SUNSHINE that I intend with exuding with every teardrop. Is it the radiant light that I gain to feed off of?

TODAY, you've chosen the wrong day to Piss me off, …..this is too is odd to point that not at all are we in the same boat.

DON'T TEST ME!!! I may come off as easy, lighthearted, happy go lucky,, and indeed it's true. BUT TODAY, I am your worst enemy, going head to head with your worst fear. Today I will show you how you behave, what type of soup you mixed when I'm Boiling.

Ode to Push overs, Ode to Loud-Nose, Attention Grabbing, Selfish, only thinking of themselves people

Ode to Push overs, Ode to them in my business

I am only silent because I let mystery lie in its own pond. It is at worst when I don't say a thing, this way you cannot read my thoughts. Lest I keep you wondering is my secret Kryptonite.

All my Life you have soared to be me, but you cant. There's only one of me. You have dug deep into your kindest moments only to half-@ss your ways. Burning deep in your soul, pretending in my face that you adored or cared for me but deep down it hurt you that you could never truly steal my joy. Day after Day you tried so hard to figure me out. Smiling in my face, offering me gifts that didn't come from your heart only to buy yourself friendship. Your biggest motivation was finding my happiest moments and your quest was to begin tearing me down. It's too late ! the wolf in your external sheepskin has already revealed itself to me. Jealousy indeed has been known to tear even Kings to smallness. KINGDOMS have been demolished.

It wont work for you , cant you see. Greater GOOD always prevails. Haven't you learned by now, that honey equals more bees? I feel sorry for you. I've given you so many chances hoping that you would grow, and change, but you can't help it. It's not your fault, nor is it my Burden to worry even the slightest bit about you. Funny to point that it was forthcoming that your day against mine would end. It may have taken its sweet time but no longer shall you pretend in my face that you care.

So as you see;

Each day I live , I live and learn

Each day is a new start with new Hopeful Blessing

Each day is a well-earned

Finding new things undiscovered to my ownself

So even I mustn't remain stagnant for growth remains stunted as so.

As excited as I am to venture out new things and break out of my shell

Each day brings joys never treaded or never imagined

As before stated clearly, I'm done, it's a wrap, find yourself another , because your lifeline with me has ended.

I am numb to all your calls, I once cared about your feelings and what you did.

You burned me dearly and I suffered by enduring your stressful energy

After dealing with all of your drama , my energy had changed in the past, but not now. Because I nearly died, and yet instead still alive, which simply means what doesn't kill you can only makes you stronger. So it is this divine energy that has given me the strength yet to rise without you.

So yes, sadly but true,

even though I've wiped you out my life completely, there's a small residue of your being that still exists..

So, Ode to loud nose- in my business, wannabe better than every body else people.

~Lawino J Otto~